Hello New Exercise Mindset ~ The History

The past couple of days I have shared my photo challenge in pictures (Part 1, Part 2).  What the pictures can't really show is the inner change that took place over the course of this month.  As I said on Monday, when I started this challenge it was just for fun. But what I got was a chance to examine my attitude and mindset about fitness and nutrition.

Initially I resisted sharing my story for many reasons, but after a lot of prayer and reflection, I felt God was telling me to write my story anyway.  He revealed to me that Satan was feeding me lies and wants me to believe that my experience isn't valuable.  But I believe that EVERYONE has a story and it is valuable.

*MY PRAYER IN SHARING MY STORY IS THAT I CAN ENCOURAGE AT LEAST ONE OTHER PERSON WITH THEIR OWN JOURNEY!*

Today I'll start with my history.  This includes some of my struggles that maybe you can relate to:

MY FITNESS HISTORY:
-I have played organized sports since I can remember. I have always been physically active. I have always been competitive (nature or nurture on this one, still not sure). 

-Once I was done playing field hockey in college, I didn't wait 2 months before I set a new goal for myself to run a marathon.

-I ran that marathon the summer before I got married.

-Once I got married we bought gym memberships to a YMCA. 

-Now this might throw you for a loop, because it sure caught me off guard.

I would sit in the parking lot and CRY because I was too scared to go in.

This doesn't rationally make sense. I was a college athlete, I knew how to lift weights and do cardio. But I had this irrational fear of not knowing how to use the machines (in college we only did Olympic lifting, no machines) and I had always had a coach or strength trainer giving me my workout and exact plan.  I didn't feel prepared and equipped to put myself through a workout.  I was even MORE scared that people at the gym would be waiting on me to get off a machine or watching me while I worked out.  I was super intimidated that I wouldn't appear competent, I was scared of being judged.

-So, I would sit in the parking lot until Phil would get off work to meet me and walk me straight to the treadmill where I would run for the 20 minute limit, quickly get off, walk straight out to my car and drive home. 

-Eventually, I just stopped going.

-I chose to run outside instead.  I knew how to run and no one was there on the back Indiana roads.

-A couple of years later I ran another marathon (because competitively I wanted to improve on my previous time, duh and I needed something to work toward). 

-A year later, a half marathon.

-Eventually I got another gym membership, but I only went to spin class or used the cardio machines, I was still too intimidated by those weights and weight machines.

-It is also probably important to note that I believed if I lifted weights I would get big and bulky!

-I had Aven and went right back to running.  I ran another 1/2 marathon (Aven was exactly 4 months old and I WOULD NOT recommend doing something like that so quickly).

-To that point I literally had not lifted a single weight at a gym (or at home for that matter).

-In January of 2013 we were one month away from a trip to Hawaii and I wasn't happy with how 'loose' some things still felt after having two kids (and age and unhealthy eating also).  I SUCKED UP MY PRIDE AND STARTED LIFTING WEIGHTS!  Literally for the first time in over 6 years I lifted weights. 

-That brings me to present day!  I have just finished the 12 week Live Fit program and in training for my first triathlon (of the sprint variety).

MY MOTIVATION:
So why did I exercise at all? Aside from it just being a good idea for my overall health, I am a competitive person who thrives on physical challenges.

But REALLY, as I'm sure most women can relate, I WANTED TO BE THIN!

I would be lying if I said there was any other real reason I pushed myself to run faster or harder, in my mind, the only REAL reason to work out (in my case that just consisted of running), was to look good in a bathing suit.

I didn't care what I ate, as long as I didn't gain weight (that's the beauty of training for a marathon, you burn a LOT of calories).  I didn't care if I was strong or healthy, as long as I looked good in a bikini.

It is really hard for me to admit that, because no one wants to appear vain or self absorbed, but if I am being honest, that truly was my only real motivation.

And then I did this photo challenge and you can hear tomorrow how my motivation all changed.............