IT'S A.....

GIRL

Sharing The News of Baby #3

Once I figured out I was pregnant (yes, it felt like a process to figure it out:), I couldn't wait to tell Phil.

TELLING PHIL

I had brought two little gifts home for the girls from my trip to California and I figured this would be the perfect way to tell Phil.  I wrapped up the pregnancy test and told him I had brought a little gift home for him and the girls from my trip.  He was standing at the stove making eggs and when he looked in the box he got the most adorable grin on his face.  All he said was, "is this even possible?"  I had to laugh because that was pretty much how I felt too.  We agreed not to say anything to the girls until we were ready to share the news with everyone (you know how a 3 year old can be:) so we had this special little secret to ourselves for almost a month.

Unfortunately, I started getting really bad all-day-sickness starting at around 6 weeks.  Because we spend so much time with my in-laws it was getting really hard to hide it from them and I was starting to show much earlier than with the other two. I had wanted to wait until the 8 week ultrasound to tell anyone, but we decided to tell Phil's parents just before.

TELLING THE IN-LAWS

Ray and Marcia had asked us to meet for dinner and we figured this would be a good time to tell them, especially since they would be unsuspecting since they made the plans.  We were meeting them at BoomBozz, a pizzeria and thought it would be fun to make up a 'special' menu.  So Phil and I made this menu and asked the manager if he would have the waiter bring it over as the specials menu.  Well, they didn't look at it too closely, so we had to prompt them a bit to actually read it over.  Ray got it right away and Marcia was so cute; she kept saying, "No, No, are you serious?" She even looked at the waiter and asked him if it was for real.  They were pretty excited!

TELLING MY MOM

We waited a few days later, until after the ultrasound to tell everyone else.  It was the day before Thanksgiving and my mom and sister, Torrie were together in Palm Springs for a field hockey tournament. We FaceTimed them under the disguise that Emrie had been practicing what she was thankful for this year.  Phil and I went first and said things we were thankful for, like our jobs and health, then Emrie shared that she was thankful for her house and food and then when it was Aven's turn we coached her to say, "BABY" and hold up the ultrasound picture.  It was the absolute coolest reaction from my mom and sister who were totally unsuspecting.

TELLING MY DAD

Poor dad got the boring reveal.  I called him on Thanksgiving and basically just told him.  Normally I would have told him with my mom, but they weren't in the same place, so he just got a phone call.  His excited laugh is the best though, even over the phone.

TELLING THE SIBLINGS

At this point, we have a lot of siblings and wanted to tell everyone at once so a group text on Thanksgiving was the easiest.  Here was the picture they all got with the text that said "This year, we're Thankful for":

There are many exciting moments in life, and sharing the news of pregnancy is definitely one of them!  What are your creative ways for sharing your happy news?

Figuring Out I was Pregnant

So, as my last post explained, we had to jump through some hoops to have this third baby.  Because we were told we likely wouldn't be able to get pregnant for several months after surgery, we had it in our minds that conceiving wouldn't even be possible until at least spring 2015.

In October I had a girls trip planned in California for the weekend with Phil's side of the family (it's a really sweet time with his aunts and cousins that we do every year).  I didn't expect that I was pregnant, but I knew that if I was, I would figure it out while on the trip.  In the off chance that I was pregnant, I wanted to be able to tell Phil in person (and I can't keep my big mouth shut so I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it from him until I got home).  So, I took a pregnancy test the morning before I left and I thought maybe I saw two VERY faint lines, but I really wasn't sure.

After I took Emrie to preschool in my neighbor's car (Emrie locked my doors open as we were loading up and I had to call a tow truck to come get me, but he wouldn't be there for a couple of hours), then I took Aven to the doctor to find out she had hand, mouth and foot disease (worst thing ever), I stopped at CVS to pick up medicine and a digital pregnancy test.

As I was waiting for the tow truck and in-between cleaning the carpet where Aven had smeared poop (long story, but she figured out how to take her diaper off and tried changing it herself), I took the digital pregnancy test.  A big fat NOT PREGNANT showed up, so I threw it away, confirming my feelings that I was seeing things on the first test, dealt with the stay-at-home-mom-of-toddlers issues and went on my way without a second thought.

I was having a great time on my trip in California (sans kids...ahhh), but I still hadn't received confirmation that I wasn't pregnant.  After having a funny conversation with some of the cousins regarding female issues, it was mentioned that altitude can affect 'mother nature'.  Well, I had been flying and we were staying in the mountains, so I figured that answered that question.  Plus, I just didn't FEEL pregnant.  I've done this twice before, I should know if I am pregnant by now, right?

Our wonderful trip came to an end and I got home VERY late on Sunday night.  Monday morning rolled around much too quickly and I decided I would take the second digital pregnancy test before I raised any concern to Phil.

That digital test took about 30 seconds before it read, "PREGNANT".  I literally was shocked.  Even with all the signs pointing to this end, I still could not believe this was real.  After about 2 minutes of sitting on my bed, letting reality set in, I started to cry tears of joy. I could barely wait for Phil to get home from the gym so I could tell him the news!

Our Journey to Baby #3

While we are ELATED to be having a third baby, I KNOW there are many people out there who are hearing our news and seething with jealousy, crying with frustration, and mourning that it isn't you.  I know because that was me, for exactly one year.

The story of each family is different and ours is uniquely ours.  I am sharing our story with you not because I think ours was so much harder or easier than anyone else's, but because I think it is important to share the struggles as well as the joys.

Most would say we were crazy, but Phil and I decided we were ready to try for number three in November 2013.  Aven was 16 months old and Emrie was almost 3.  It was more Phil's idea than mine, but I was ready also. 

After 5 months of trying unsuccessfully for number 3, I felt it was time to 'get checked'.  It took us 9 months to get pregnant with Emrie and we were scheduled to have some testing done the month we got pregnant with her, so we never followed through.  Then we got pregnant with Aven the first month and concluded that whatever issues we had the first time must have been worked out.  Naturally, I was impatient the third time and wanted some answers.  

I'll spare you all the details, but after both of us went through extensive testing, we were told by THREE different doctors, including my OBGYN and a fertility specialist, that the fact that we had not just one but TWO children already was nothing short of a miracle.  All three doctors told us that given our test results they had NEVER seen any couple in our situation who had ANY children.  

My perspective changed slightly at that news.  I saw the two little girls we had as incredible blessings that I was taking for granted, but I still ached for more.  I hadn't planned to be done.  Shouldn't I get to choose how many kids I wanted?  I was thankful for what I had, but very bitter for what I did not have.  I was more bitter that I wasn't in control.  I wrestled with the questions of how far I was willing to go to have more children, could I be satisfied if I never had anymore, would I always long for another baby even years from now?

Every time I heard of a pregnancy announcement I cried, like the all out ugly sob cry.  I smiled through many baby showers, mostly happy for my friends and partly jealous it wasn't me.  I heard people announce their baby names and wondered if I was every going to get to do that again.

We weighed the MANY fertility treatment options and after one failed IUI (intrauteran insemination) attempt, we opted to try surgery in August.  BUT we were told it may or may not improve our chances of conceiving and even if the surgery was successful, we probably wouldn't be able to conceive for at least six months post-op.

Sometime in August I FINALLY decided that I was okay with only ever having two kids.  My mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer, then my dad had a heart attack and life was put into perspective for me in a way I hadn't expected.  I could FINALLY see how blessed I was to have the two healthy little girls in my life.  If we had another baby at some point, I would be thrilled, but if we only ever had Emrie and Aven, I would be completely content with our family of four.

To say I was shocked to read the word 'pregnant' on that stick would be an understatement.  That day was pure joy for me.  I will never forget how fast my heart raced as I prepared to tell Phil and how my eyes filled with tears of joy.

But that doesn't mean that I have forgotten how much it hurt to read all the other negative tests.  That doesn't mean I have forgotten how much I cried hearing other people's happy news because it wasn't mine.

And just because I felt pain all those months, doesn't mean that I fully understand your personal hurt.  Maybe pregnancy isn't even your struggle.  I just wanted to share our story as a reminder that we all have struggles, we all feel hurt at times and we all experience disappointment.  If this is you right now, I wish I could reach out and hug you, and when you are experiencing joy, I want to celebrate with you too!

My story is at a very happy point right now so it is a lot easier to say this, but I am truly thankful that I experienced a small taste of the pain of infertility because God used it to open my eyes to others' pain, specifically with infertility and loss.  We all have our trials and I pray that you can see the blessing in your pain and use them for good.