IT'S A.....

GIRL

Sharing The News of Baby #3

Once I figured out I was pregnant (yes, it felt like a process to figure it out:), I couldn't wait to tell Phil.

TELLING PHIL

I had brought two little gifts home for the girls from my trip to California and I figured this would be the perfect way to tell Phil.  I wrapped up the pregnancy test and told him I had brought a little gift home for him and the girls from my trip.  He was standing at the stove making eggs and when he looked in the box he got the most adorable grin on his face.  All he said was, "is this even possible?"  I had to laugh because that was pretty much how I felt too.  We agreed not to say anything to the girls until we were ready to share the news with everyone (you know how a 3 year old can be:) so we had this special little secret to ourselves for almost a month.

Unfortunately, I started getting really bad all-day-sickness starting at around 6 weeks.  Because we spend so much time with my in-laws it was getting really hard to hide it from them and I was starting to show much earlier than with the other two. I had wanted to wait until the 8 week ultrasound to tell anyone, but we decided to tell Phil's parents just before.

TELLING THE IN-LAWS

Ray and Marcia had asked us to meet for dinner and we figured this would be a good time to tell them, especially since they would be unsuspecting since they made the plans.  We were meeting them at BoomBozz, a pizzeria and thought it would be fun to make up a 'special' menu.  So Phil and I made this menu and asked the manager if he would have the waiter bring it over as the specials menu.  Well, they didn't look at it too closely, so we had to prompt them a bit to actually read it over.  Ray got it right away and Marcia was so cute; she kept saying, "No, No, are you serious?" She even looked at the waiter and asked him if it was for real.  They were pretty excited!

TELLING MY MOM

We waited a few days later, until after the ultrasound to tell everyone else.  It was the day before Thanksgiving and my mom and sister, Torrie were together in Palm Springs for a field hockey tournament. We FaceTimed them under the disguise that Emrie had been practicing what she was thankful for this year.  Phil and I went first and said things we were thankful for, like our jobs and health, then Emrie shared that she was thankful for her house and food and then when it was Aven's turn we coached her to say, "BABY" and hold up the ultrasound picture.  It was the absolute coolest reaction from my mom and sister who were totally unsuspecting.

TELLING MY DAD

Poor dad got the boring reveal.  I called him on Thanksgiving and basically just told him.  Normally I would have told him with my mom, but they weren't in the same place, so he just got a phone call.  His excited laugh is the best though, even over the phone.

TELLING THE SIBLINGS

At this point, we have a lot of siblings and wanted to tell everyone at once so a group text on Thanksgiving was the easiest.  Here was the picture they all got with the text that said "This year, we're Thankful for":

There are many exciting moments in life, and sharing the news of pregnancy is definitely one of them!  What are your creative ways for sharing your happy news?

Figuring Out I was Pregnant

So, as my last post explained, we had to jump through some hoops to have this third baby.  Because we were told we likely wouldn't be able to get pregnant for several months after surgery, we had it in our minds that conceiving wouldn't even be possible until at least spring 2015.

In October I had a girls trip planned in California for the weekend with Phil's side of the family (it's a really sweet time with his aunts and cousins that we do every year).  I didn't expect that I was pregnant, but I knew that if I was, I would figure it out while on the trip.  In the off chance that I was pregnant, I wanted to be able to tell Phil in person (and I can't keep my big mouth shut so I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it from him until I got home).  So, I took a pregnancy test the morning before I left and I thought maybe I saw two VERY faint lines, but I really wasn't sure.

After I took Emrie to preschool in my neighbor's car (Emrie locked my doors open as we were loading up and I had to call a tow truck to come get me, but he wouldn't be there for a couple of hours), then I took Aven to the doctor to find out she had hand, mouth and foot disease (worst thing ever), I stopped at CVS to pick up medicine and a digital pregnancy test.

As I was waiting for the tow truck and in-between cleaning the carpet where Aven had smeared poop (long story, but she figured out how to take her diaper off and tried changing it herself), I took the digital pregnancy test.  A big fat NOT PREGNANT showed up, so I threw it away, confirming my feelings that I was seeing things on the first test, dealt with the stay-at-home-mom-of-toddlers issues and went on my way without a second thought.

I was having a great time on my trip in California (sans kids...ahhh), but I still hadn't received confirmation that I wasn't pregnant.  After having a funny conversation with some of the cousins regarding female issues, it was mentioned that altitude can affect 'mother nature'.  Well, I had been flying and we were staying in the mountains, so I figured that answered that question.  Plus, I just didn't FEEL pregnant.  I've done this twice before, I should know if I am pregnant by now, right?

Our wonderful trip came to an end and I got home VERY late on Sunday night.  Monday morning rolled around much too quickly and I decided I would take the second digital pregnancy test before I raised any concern to Phil.

That digital test took about 30 seconds before it read, "PREGNANT".  I literally was shocked.  Even with all the signs pointing to this end, I still could not believe this was real.  After about 2 minutes of sitting on my bed, letting reality set in, I started to cry tears of joy. I could barely wait for Phil to get home from the gym so I could tell him the news!

Our Journey to Baby #3

While we are ELATED to be having a third baby, I KNOW there are many people out there who are hearing our news and seething with jealousy, crying with frustration, and mourning that it isn't you.  I know because that was me, for exactly one year.

The story of each family is different and ours is uniquely ours.  I am sharing our story with you not because I think ours was so much harder or easier than anyone else's, but because I think it is important to share the struggles as well as the joys.

Most would say we were crazy, but Phil and I decided we were ready to try for number three in November 2013.  Aven was 16 months old and Emrie was almost 3.  It was more Phil's idea than mine, but I was ready also. 

After 5 months of trying unsuccessfully for number 3, I felt it was time to 'get checked'.  It took us 9 months to get pregnant with Emrie and we were scheduled to have some testing done the month we got pregnant with her, so we never followed through.  Then we got pregnant with Aven the first month and concluded that whatever issues we had the first time must have been worked out.  Naturally, I was impatient the third time and wanted some answers.  

I'll spare you all the details, but after both of us went through extensive testing, we were told by THREE different doctors, including my OBGYN and a fertility specialist, that the fact that we had not just one but TWO children already was nothing short of a miracle.  All three doctors told us that given our test results they had NEVER seen any couple in our situation who had ANY children.  

My perspective changed slightly at that news.  I saw the two little girls we had as incredible blessings that I was taking for granted, but I still ached for more.  I hadn't planned to be done.  Shouldn't I get to choose how many kids I wanted?  I was thankful for what I had, but very bitter for what I did not have.  I was more bitter that I wasn't in control.  I wrestled with the questions of how far I was willing to go to have more children, could I be satisfied if I never had anymore, would I always long for another baby even years from now?

Every time I heard of a pregnancy announcement I cried, like the all out ugly sob cry.  I smiled through many baby showers, mostly happy for my friends and partly jealous it wasn't me.  I heard people announce their baby names and wondered if I was every going to get to do that again.

We weighed the MANY fertility treatment options and after one failed IUI (intrauteran insemination) attempt, we opted to try surgery in August.  BUT we were told it may or may not improve our chances of conceiving and even if the surgery was successful, we probably wouldn't be able to conceive for at least six months post-op.

Sometime in August I FINALLY decided that I was okay with only ever having two kids.  My mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer, then my dad had a heart attack and life was put into perspective for me in a way I hadn't expected.  I could FINALLY see how blessed I was to have the two healthy little girls in my life.  If we had another baby at some point, I would be thrilled, but if we only ever had Emrie and Aven, I would be completely content with our family of four.

To say I was shocked to read the word 'pregnant' on that stick would be an understatement.  That day was pure joy for me.  I will never forget how fast my heart raced as I prepared to tell Phil and how my eyes filled with tears of joy.

But that doesn't mean that I have forgotten how much it hurt to read all the other negative tests.  That doesn't mean I have forgotten how much I cried hearing other people's happy news because it wasn't mine.

And just because I felt pain all those months, doesn't mean that I fully understand your personal hurt.  Maybe pregnancy isn't even your struggle.  I just wanted to share our story as a reminder that we all have struggles, we all feel hurt at times and we all experience disappointment.  If this is you right now, I wish I could reach out and hug you, and when you are experiencing joy, I want to celebrate with you too!

My story is at a very happy point right now so it is a lot easier to say this, but I am truly thankful that I experienced a small taste of the pain of infertility because God used it to open my eyes to others' pain, specifically with infertility and loss.  We all have our trials and I pray that you can see the blessing in your pain and use them for good.

Albini Family Health

I know many of you have seen bits and pieces about my parents' health issues on Social Media, so I thought I would give everyone and update.  

About a month ago my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  On Friday she had a lumpectomy to remove the 1 cm tumor and determine if it has spread to her lymph nodes or not.  This will be followed by 6-7 weeks of radiation 5 days a week for that time period.  Thankfully she has been getting her routine mammograms (here is my PSA...GET CHECKED:) so they caught it early and it appears to be contained.  It is still very scary to hear to word cancer, but it truly seems like the best case scenario. 

Then one week after my mom's diagnosis, I received an extremely scary phone call from my mom that my dad was in the hospital.  He had a heart attack! On Friday he said he felt like he was getting the flu.  Then on Saturday morning he was with his best friend getting ready to go do a construction job and he was not feeling well.  He told his friend, Greg, to take him to the hospital.  They were in the hospital waiting room for about 15 minutes when Greg got up to use the restroom.  When he came back my dad was gone and the nurse said they were rushing him back for an EKG.  He had the heart attack while on the gurney during the EKG.  They immediately rushed him to surgery to put stints in.  The procedure lasted about an hour and my dad said that once they put the stints in he immediately felt better, like an elephant got off his chest.  He had 99% blockage in his widow maker and 90% blockage in a different spot in that artery.  The doctor said if he had come in 15 minutes later he would have died! He stayed in the hospital for 2 days and now is home doing really well, but he is tired and sore in his leg where they put the port in to do the stints.  

Unfortunately, my parents were supposed to come visit us that week, but that obviously has been postponed.  

Over the past few weeks it has started to sink in just how fortunate both my parents are to be alive, especially my dad.  I am so so so grateful for God's grace in saving my dad.  The fragility of life has been on the forefront of my mind these past few weeks and I have been giving my girls and Phil extra hugs and kisses.  Please go give your loved ones extra kisses and hugs for me too!  And a HUGE thank you for all the prayers and love and support from so many of you!!!!

This picture is of my parents with my best friend, Lesley and her family and mom taken just days after my dad's heart attack when Lesley brought my parents dinner.  Friends are the family God let's you choose for yourself, and I sure have the best!

Let Your Light Shine

Several weeks ago, while I was getting ready for church, putting on make-up, Emrie asked if she could put make-up on too.  I said she didn't need any and her reply was:

"BUT I'M NOT PRETTY WITHOUT MAKE-UP"

I cried, right then and there.  She was dead serious.  She actually believed she wasn't pretty without make-up.  I felt like I had failed my three year old.

I did my best to explain that she was beautiful without make-up and that she was pretty on the inside, which is what matters most.  But she kept asking me why I needed make-up then.

I felt ill-prepared and ill-equipped to handle this situation.  It was important to her, and as a woman, I know it is something that will be important to her the rest of her life.  I didn't want to down play her concern, but I wanted to also handle it with great care.

Always and forever, I am certain I will struggle with how to address this issue of image with my girls, but for now I have decided to address the heart issues instead of the physical issues starting with very careful modeling of my own actions.

For about a week after that incident, Emrie and I would talk every day about what it looks like to be pretty on the inside.  We would role play at the grocery store or talk through scenarios while in the car about the kind way to handle situations which made you pretty on the inside.

But apparently my 'lessons' weren't getting through, because shortly thereafter, we started REALLY struggling with using kind words and voices toward each other (myself included....eek, that's embarrassing to admit as the adult).

To address this new issue, I pulled out some of my Seeds CDs and found the one that had

Matthew 12:34 "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

Blending these lessons all together, I felt like we needed a phrase to sum up how we should act.  Emrie responds really well to catch phrases as reminders (all I need to say at the grocery store is, "Emrie, are you earning gum? and that is her cue that she isn't behaving well enough to earn her gum at the end of the trip).

Thus, 'LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE' was born as our family motto for this school year!

Our phrase became "If we are beautiful on the inside, we say nice things, we do nice things and we LET OUR LIGHT SHINE."

Ahhh...but over time, that just didn't seem right to me!  I felt like it was missing the major point that WE don't make our hearts beautiful, JESUS DOES!  It is because of what Jesus has done for us that we can be beautiful on the inside.  So I tweaked our phrase to,

"Because Jesus gave us a beautiful heart, we say nice things, we do nice things and we LET OUR LIGHT SHINE!"

Of course this will be a constant challenge and lesson which will always need to be refreshed, DAILY, but I think it fits our family so well right at this season of life!

How about you or your family, do you have a special motto this year?

Oh, Hey There Again!

Alright, I had shut this thing down for a little while, but now I am back at it.

I shut it down initially from a knee-jerk reaction to something someone had said combined with my attempt to limit my computer/phone/social media time (I want to be more present with my kids, but also too much social media is bad for my psyche, if you care, you can read a bit about that here) in addition to a busy schedule.  But after FOUR of you (my mom wasn't one of them, HI MOM!) asked me when I was going to start it up again, I was encouraged that people actually care about what I share sooooo.....

I'm back in the game!

Anyhow, I'll catch you up quickly on the Van Gelder happenings from the past few months of summer.

June

Dance Lessons - Emrie tried dance class for the first time.  While she had fun (and looked darling), I am not so sure dance is her thing.

Father's Day - To show Phil how much we love him, we ALL wore Dodgers gear to church.

Swim Lessons - Emrie took two weeks of swim lessons and it was FANTASTIC!  This is way more up her alley!

New Niece - My sister, Mallory, had her daughter, Nekoda Kennedy Karp on June 29th!

July

Aven Turned Two - We had a little Indian themed birthday for her at our house.

EARS PIERCED - Phil took Emrie on a date and they both surprised (more like shocked the socks off me) by piercing her ears!

Fourth of July - We went downtown and watched the parade and then had a little bar-b-que at our house.

Aunt Torrie - Torrie came to visit just for a couple of days, but we always have the best time with her.

Chicago - You can read about that trip here

Big Girl Room - Aven started climbing out of her crib, so I re-decorated her room and took the front of her crib off and made it her big girl room...I was NOT ready to start that adventure, but too bad!

First ER Trip - Aven got a small dog bite on her face.  A friend's dog got a little excited and took just a little taste of her cheek.  Good thing God made this littler girl tough.  She is already recovering SO well and I am sure it will fade in no time.  I am just glad to have our first ER trip under our belts.  We knew it would happen at some point, so glad it's done with!

August (so far)

Indiana State Fair - I just decided on a whim that we should go for the day and it was such a sweet time, just the girls and I.

Bundle Up Buddy - It wouldn't be right not to mention something that has been taking a huge part of my free time.  I have an Instagram page and Facebook page now for my little business and while it keeps me busy (I am preparing for my first festival/event in October) I am loving it more than ever!

Well, now that you are caught up on our happenings, maybe sometime later this week I can let you in on some heart issues we have been working through.

Learning to Say NO to Good Things!

Um, how does this whole thing work again?  I have been away so long I think I forgot how to type!

I was going to give you a full recap on what we have been up to the past four months, but figured if you follow me on either Facebook or Instagram you probably already know that stuff. So for this period of time I am going to use blogging as my virtual journal to share some heart things that you might not be able to see through my daily pictures.

We have been having a really sweet summer.  I have been learning to say no to some things so I can say yes to others.  I have trouble just being still, so I try to pack in a million things and it usually ends up stressing me or the kids out and then no one has fun.  Saying no, even to good things like play dates or mom's nights out, allows me to say yes to playing dress up or jumping in the bounce house or even cleaning my bathrooms and floors (something which adds to the chaos and stress for me if I go too long without doing it).

This point was driven home for me last week while we were in Chicago.  Phil had to work in Chicago for a couple of days so we thought it would be fun for the girls and I to join him and have our first family hotel experience.  I had these thoughts of grandeur of going into the city and doing all sorts of sight seeing with the girls during the day while Phil worked.  Phil told me he thought the girls would love just swimming in the hotel pool and jumping on the beds in the room.  My girls (okay Emrie) said they wanted to watch a movie on the hotel t.v.  But what did they know...I am the mom, and I know that we needed a LARGE adventure, like going into the city.  So I drove into the city through annoying amounts of traffic only to pay $33 for two hours of parking in a garage.  When I started pushing the girls in the stroller through the busy streets, Emrie kept covering her ears and shouting, "Mom, it's so loud.  There are too many people. It's so loud."  We got to Millennium Park where we did have fun playing with The Bean and jumping in the water at Crown Fountain...for about 30 minutes.  Then I got freaked out by a family who was taking way too much interest in my kids and we left abruptly.  The whole way back to the car Emrie cried because now she wasn't ready to leave.  As I got turned around three times on the expressways I nearly started crying because my GPS was NOT picking up where I was on my phone was almost dead which scared me to be lost in a big city with no phone.  Once I knew we were finally going in the right direction toward the hotel and we were just sitting (literally at a dead stop) in traffic I reminded myself that this is exactly why I need to say no sometimes.  Even if it just means saying no to my lofty expectations.  The next day we ate hotel breakfast, did makeovers in the room, jumped on the couch cushions, swam in the hotel pool, napped in the fluffy beds (yes, I napped too), read lots of books, drank hot chocolate at Starbucks and tried on jewelry at JC Penny and had a GREAT, SIMPLE TIME!!!!

I AM LEARNING TO SAY NO, EVEN TO GOOD THINGS!

I am learning (I am a VERY slow learner) to slow down, think through my commitments, as simple or as fun as they might seem, and weigh the affect my yes has on my family and myself.  I will always be an adventure seeking, activity doing, busy body...but I am trying to be better at limiting how many of those things I say yes to so that I can fully enjoy the ones I am experiencing!

In the meantime, here are some fun pictures from our trip!

Double Rainbow was a fun way to end the trip!