Two days ago I mentioned that I heard a really powerful lesson at MOPS titled “Raising Kids with Grateful Hearts.” This is something that Phil and I have discussed ad nauseam because we believe it is important AND because I struggle with it personally. The best way to teach your child something is through modeling. Kids don’t do what you say, they do what you do (whether you like it or not)! So if I am struggling with having a grateful heart, how am I going to teach my kids to be grateful?
CAUTION: THIS IS A REALLY LONG BLOG POST…READ AT YOUR OWN RISK (but it is chalk full of wisdom that I can’t take credit for and totally worth reading if you have the time and energy;)
Here were some of the key points made by the speaker yesterday (my condensed version, she had so much wisdom to share, I couldn’t possibly fit it all in one blog). They don’t really flow because of the way I edited them, but you get the point. Although these were presented in way to teach your child, I pretty much have to apply them to myself first, so they are just great lessons for kids and adults of all ages.
Philippians 4:11-13 is what we want our children to learn, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
1)BE CONTENT – everything else will fall into place if you can learn to be content with what you have. By the way, ALL of us (well all 3 of you reading this blog:) are RICH. If you have a refrigerator in your house…YOU ARE RICH. Be thankful for the things we do have. It is ridiculous in our culture that we become discontent if our basement isn’t finished…or if we have boots, but they don’t have the UGG logo on them…I mean come on (oh, and I have been in that category more than my fair share of times so I am NOT throwing stones here).
2)Things don’t make us happy – the only way we will truly find happiness is to know and love Jesus, the one who made us with our individual purpose. We have to live out our PURPOSE to be happy, and our purpose is NOT to consume things.
3)IT ISN’T OURS TO BEGIN WITH – No resource we have; money, time, possessions, talents…etc. is ours anyway. God gave it to us to use for HIM. He wants us to be happy, but the sooner we realize that it isn’t ours anyway, the sooner we begin making wise decisions with our resources.
4)If they (kids…but I like to say YOU, Morgan) aren’t exposed to it, you won’t even know what you are missing. This is so hard for me because between T.V., the internet (Pinterest, Facebook and other blogs specifically), the mall or ALL the dumb catalogues that come to our house (in the name of the last owners) I WANT. I didn’t even KNOW that I ‘needed’ that gorgeous dress and, of course, the fabulous matching shoes, and, hey, while I’m at it that necklace is a staple too, until I saw it on the mannequin at the mall, even though I really only ran in to get water filters for the fridge (which remember, already makes me rich, because I have not just any fridge, but one that has a water dispenser in the door).
Defensive Tactics – (disclaimer, NONE OF THESE ARE EASY…but no one said being a GOOD parent was easy, or convenient for that matter)
- Teach them to find their identity in Christ (not things)
- Define ‘ENOUGH’ – This one is a BIGGY!!! There are roughly four amounts that we can have: scarcity, enough, abundance, too much. As parents we want to give our kids abundance, BUT they can’t appreciate abundance unless they know and understand what enough is. Example: Every time we went out to eat as a family when I was a kid we got water. It was a non-negotiable. We didn’t even think to ask for anything else, because we knew the answer was no and water was our standard. That was ENOUGH! Once in a BLUE (and I do mean BRIGHT BRIGHT blue) moon, we were allowed to get a fancy drink (like the strawberry lemonade at Red Robin…woot woot). That was an ABUNDANCE, and we appreciate it so much more. Same with clothes. Those of you who grew up in California probably remember Mervyn’s (it’s like a Kohl’s). We always got our clothes from there. We always got whatever was cheapest (typically High Sierra, yucky). I would BEG my mom for the Union Bay overalls (it was of course the 90’s). She made it clear that she was willing to pay for the standard jeans because that was ENOUGH, but if I wanted the Union Bay overalls, I would have to buy them myself (I didn’t have $40 to buy them, so I never did get them) because that was an ABUNDANCE. The point to all of this is whatever you train your children to understand that what they have is enough, they will truly appreciate when they are given an abundance. The difficult part is keeping that level of enough reasonable. Every family has to decide what their enough is (and don’t let your friends, media, society or of course your kids dictate what enough is).
- Minimize the Inflow of Stuff – it can be really hard to do this (especially if you have generous grandparents or neighbors or friends) but do your best to be intentional with the things (mostly plastic) that come into your house.
Financial Discernment
- Model financial decision making – verbalizing why you are choosing to make or not make a purchase is a learning moment for the kids…take them grocery shopping and narrate while you go.
- Use a ‘spending plan’ (ie a budget, but a spending plan sounds more fun) Rather than saying, “We can’t afford that,” say, “we choose not to spend our money on that”. Explain that you have to make decisions between things.
- Begin chores and allowances together – if they are asking for stuff, then they are probably responsible enough do work a little for their money. This way they learn to be responsible with money and to make decisions for how they want to spend their money.
- Define wants and needs
- Use ‘The List’ – my list (things we as your parents will buy for you…we will always, always, always make sure you have everything you need and some of what you want) your list (things that are in abundance that you want to buy for yourself)…You can use this when they ask for something and you ask if they have enough money to buy it. If they say no, you can say they can put it on their list. This is a good way for them to decide if they really want it or not because it helps them learn to make decisions about what they really want.
- Say ‘No’ with conviction – say it like you mean it and don’t give in…they will get the point.
One point she made that I had heard before, but really struck a cord with me now was for parents of girls. “The best gift you can give your daughter’s future husband is to give her a content heart.” What we as her parents set as her ‘enough’ now, is what she will expect from her husband, and who knows what kind of income he will have. We want to set her up for a successful marriage and giving her a content heart and a good understanding of the value of money will help that.
NOW...The trouble I have with all of this isn’t that I disagree with any of it (as a matter of fact, I can say that I whole heartedly agree with EVERY single thing she said). The difficult part is putting it into practice.
See, I struggle with having a content heart at times. Sure we have a nice house, nice cars, plenty of food, plenty of clothes…but there is always something ‘better’ out there isn’t there?
It sounds silly to say it out loud, being a 27 year old mom and wife, but I feel peer pressure at times still. I need to have what my girlfriends have, my kids need to have what their kids have…NO WE DON’T! Phil and I decide (with God’s help and discernment) what our family needs and what is enough, our income doesn’t determine that, our friends don’t determine that and society doesn’t determine that…WE DO!
My prayer is that I can learn to be confident to make the tough decisions regarding money, not because we can’t afford something, but because we don’t need it. That I can model that for my kids and learn to be content with what I have, because it is more than enough!
Love:) Thanks for sharing!
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