2015 in Review

Phil and I have been married nine years now (ugh, how did that happen, we aren't even old enough to be married that long, right?), and I would say in our nine years of marriage, there have only been about 2 years where major life changes have NOT occurred. 

2015 trumps all other years in the 'life changes' category, and hopefully it will reign supreme for several years to come!

Like any year, there have been many highs and lows. Thankfully, sitting here looking back over the past 12 months, I can undoubtedly say there have been SO many more highs than lows and God has provided for us in greater ways than I could have ever dreamed!

Here is a quick recap of 2015's highs and lows:

Lows:
-Leaving Carmel and all our friends
-Realizing how much work our new house needed: Laundry Room, Dining room, office, master bedroom, play room, powder room, Emrie's room, Aven's room
-All the transition issues, paperwork and expenses
-Church shopping
-Making new friends


Highs:
-Phil opening the doors of AOT in Georgia ~ The reason this whole adventure started!

-HOLLAND RAE VAN GELDER'S BIRTH
-Our AMAZING neighbors and wonderful neighborhood (and swim team)
-The girls' INCREDIBLE school and all the relationships made there
-My Wednesday morning Bible Study and all those women
-Phil's parents moving to Georgia
-Plugging in at North Point Community Church
-My family visiting several times
-Saying goodbye to Bundle Up Buddy to focus on family
-Watching our family's faith grow, both individually and collectively

While these are really just some of the headlines from our year, it isn't really possible to capture all of the emotions behind each of those events, from the desperation, frustration and exhaustion to the excitement, peace and pure joy!

But as I sit here, in this moment, reflecting on 2015, the emotion that I am most overwhelmed with is gratitude.  I am so thankful that God is taking us on this crazy journey.  He has grown me in areas I didn't know needed growth, used my strengths in ways I didn't think I was capable and provided for us literally every step of the way.

I can't wait to see what 2016 holds...

Every Morning I Need Two Things

Last week I was at the grocery store with the girls and this young mom came up to me and says, "seriously, how do you grocery shop with three kids? I only have one (there was a darling 18 month old boy in her cart) and I can barely manage even getting to the grocery store." 

There were about 25 responses that came to mind, but the top three were:

1) It gets easier, I promise. You're in a really tough stage right now, but it will pass.  Having one kiddo was THE HARDEST phase for me.  Going from no kids to one was insanely difficult.  So I decided to just add to the chaos and have a few more, and each time it's hard, but don't discredit how hard one is...IT IS HARD!!! 

2) I heard a Jim Gaffigan (super funny comedian) line pop into my head, "What's it like to have 4 kids.  Well, imagine you are drowning and then someone hands you a baby." I didn't want to terrify the poor girl so I kept that to myself.

3) Tick Tacs and stickers work wonders, also there are free cookies at the bakery counter.

But what I ended up saying was:

"Oh sweetheart, you caught us at a great moment on a good day and we are only in the produce isle. There are about 14 more isles for this to go south. Also, there are free cookies at the bakery counter"

So then yesterday happened. Yesterday was one of those days where I didn't even get the bat off my shoulder.  I mean, no lie, I was still in my pj's at 6:00 pm when Phil came home.  The only difference from the time he left to the time he came home was that now they were covered with spit up. I considered it a win that I had dinner on the counter (we didn't even make it to the table).

As I was helping Aven was sharpie off of her hands and legs after she had dumped out ALL of my business cards, I thought, "it would be really funny if that lady could see me right now, then she would know for SURE what a fluke it was when she saw me at the grocery store." So I had this idea that today I would document the entire normal day in photos. 

While I had intended for my little project to simply be humorous, I actually taught myself an extremely simple, but profound lesson instead.

Here's how it went:

I woke up around 5:00 am browsed social media, made my grocery list and my to do list.

About an hour later I OPENED MY "SHE READS TRUTH" APP AND READ THE DAILY DEVOTIONAL.  I am working through the Fruits of the Spirit Study and ahhh, today was Self Control.  I probably need to tattoo that to my forehead. Then I spent a little time praying.

Got up at 6:15 when my alarm went off.  Got myself dressed. It's running day...booo!

Had a date with my pump...ahhh motherhood (most mornings I actually sit down and feed Holland, but she wasn't awake this morning, so I wasn't about to wake a sleeping baby).

Made the girls' breakfast.  Waited for the meltdown from Aven.  This morning it wasn't because of her clothes, or the sheer fact that she was awake, but it was because she wanted to eat the sausages frozen, not cooked.  Thankfully today this meltdown only lasted about 15 seconds.

Emrie came down in her nightgown, so I sent her back up to get dressed. 

Made my smoothy (YUM, it tastes like a vacation because of the pineapple, so I usually close my eyes for about 30 seconds while I drink it and pretend that the screaming in the background are actually the waves and I can almost smell the salt in the air. Then I open my eyes and it's back to reality).

Cleaned up from breakfast (the girls hate the sound of me cleaning the blender:)

Piled everyone in the bathroom for tooth brushing and hair fixing.  Usually this cues another meltdown from Aven when I tell her we don't have enough time for a braid, just a ponytail.  Today we had no meltdown!

Run back upstairs to grab socks, then the dang battle with the tennis shoes began (I'm about to buy Velcro slip ons because getting their feet into these converse is ridiculous!)

Have the girls grab the rest of their breakfast and book bags and go get in the car while I get Holland up, changed and in her car seat.

Change the strollers in the trunk to the jogging one so I could work out after I drop the girls off.

And we are on our way to sit in 25 minutes of traffic. Reach back and feed Holland her bottle as she starts to get fussy about half way through the drive.

Then drop the girls off 6 minutes before the bell and my heart is full as I see their sweet smiling faces blowing kisses to me as their teacher walks them in!

Head to the park with my running buddy (Can't wait until they'll take her at the gym), but until then, she's a pretty cute partner:)

Okay, so today was super uneventful, low stress and not very humorous.  Why is that?

I could say it's because I was so organized and we have a great routine.  That might be a small part of it.  I could say it's because my girls decided to cooperate today and no unexpected accidents happened.  That's also a small part of it.

But when I reflected on the day, it hit me.

JESUS WAS THE DIFFERENCE TODAY!!!

Now hear me on this, Jesus is ALWAYS present in our days, but today I actually chose to listen to Him.  I chose to start my day with Him and that set the whole tone for our day!

There have been other days in the past few weeks that go very similarly to this morning, but I drop the girls off flustered or even angry.  They walk into school discouraged or upset all because of MY ATTITUDE!!!

I am not saying starting the day with The Lord is a sure fire way to have a successful and smooth day, but it sure keeps things in perspective and when those little hiccups do come, I am a lot slower to anger, quicker to forgive and love. 

 

 My day doesn't start out all about ME, but about Him and others. And that attitude affects my kids also.
So basically, this morning reminded me of the VERY simple concept, "START MY DAY WITH JESUS (AND COFFEE)". No matter the events of the day, we can bring Him glory.

 

Holland's Nursery

With all the other house projects we had going on, I didn't bother painting the nursery since it was in good shape (other than the lavender ceiling! That will have to go at some point), and I just took the inspiration from some Riffle Paper Co. cards I had infused with a little Georgia Peach and ran with it.  It is super simple but I love that it let me spend some time thinking about and creating something just for our baby girl:)

I made the bed sheet by designing the fabric on Spoonflower and made the bed skirt with fabric from Hawthorne Threads.

The mobile is just lace and ribbon tied on an embroidery hoop.

Adding ribbon to the frames with the Riffle Paper Co. cards in them added a nice feminine touch.

As a nod to being the only Georgia baby in the house, I LOVE these "Your A Peach" cards from Oliver's Twist that I bought last year before I had any idea we would move to GA.

Maybe my favorite item in the whole room is this sweet, handmade giraffe from a friend's mom (I cried when I opened it)!

Thankfully, other than the bedding, I pretty much had everything else, so while I didn't spend much money in here, I really feel like I was able to make it personalized and just right for our Holland!

Even more perfect with a baby in it! Now if she would just sleep through the night...or at least a couple of hours at a time:)

Now it's time for this room to get a lot of love and laughter!

Holland's Birth Story

Once Holland finally turned head down (she had been transverse at about 36 weeks) I was really excited for this third delivery.  Call me crazy but I LOVE Delivery Day, even the pain is oddly fun and I love the team Phil and I are through the process.  Of course meeting our baby is the icing on the cake.

Even though I have had two babies before, I never went into labor on my own.  Emrie was fully induced from start to finish and Aven was scheduled to be induced, but once I showed up at the hospital they determined I was already in the early stages of labor and let me progress naturally (You can read Aven's birth story here and here).

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Thursday, July 2^nd was Holland’s due date.  I had really wanted to go into labor on my own mostly just for the experience, but also because I really wanted to avoid Pitocin if possible.  However, I was also mentally and physically exhausted of being pregnant and really wanted to meet her, so I decided that I was willing to go a week over my due date, but that was it.  At my 40 week check up, my doctor and I agreed to set the induction date for Tuesday July 7^th and I was glad to have an end date in sight.

Over the 4^th of July weekend, I thought FOR SURE I was going into labor.  We had gone to the pool that day and friends came over for dinner and while I was preparing stuff for dinner I felt cramping.  I started timing my contractions and they were lasting about 30 seconds and starting every 5-7 minutes or so.   I thought for sure it was go time.  This went on for a few hours.  Our friends left, Phil and I packed our bags for the hospital, and got ready for bed.  Since the contractions weren't getting stronger or more frequent I figured the best thing to do would be sleep until they were good and strong to go to the hospital. 

 

I woke up around 11:30pm and the contractions were still coming, but at about the same pace as they had been all night.  Then at 1:00am I woke up again, and they had stopped completely.  We went to church the next morning and all was normal.

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Before the false labor that night, I had been debating about canceling my induction and giving myself more time to go into labor.  But the experience of thinking I was going to meet my baby had teased me and left me disappointed that I decided I was ready to have her born, even if that meant induction.

Phil texted me Monday from work to ask me how I was doing and I told him I was a little nervous, but ready to go through with the induction.

His response was, "We'll relax tonight and get rested up for tomorrow. She'll be out soon...she's got a life to start livin."

Thinking about starting her life, and starting our new life with her made me feel overwhelmed with joy and excitement and peace!

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Monday evening, July 6th, I called the hospital to check to see what time I was supposed to come in the morning. They told me they would call me between 5-7 am to let me know if they had enough beds available.

Tuesday, July 7th at 5:05 am the hospital called and asked me to come in for my induction.  I was really excited, but mostly could only think about how hungry I was haha.

We showed up to the VERY busy hospital at 7:00 am and could barely find a parking spot.  We checked in and we shown to our room where my nurse, Sarah, hooked me up to the monitors and checked me to determine I was still at 3 cm dilated and 50% effaced (which I had been for about 2 weeks) and I was not having any contractions on my own.

So at 8:30 am we started the IV (my least favorite part of delivery day) and went straight to Pitocin instead of starting with Cervidil because I was already dilated beyond 2cm and effacing.
 
For the next hour the Pitocin was bumped up to get steady contractions going and around 9:45 am the doctor checked me and I was 4 cm dilated and 60% effaced, so she broke my water to try to speed up labor

When the doctor broke my water there was meconium in the amniotic fluid. That just means that the baby had her first bowl movement in utero and they would have an extra attendant or doctor present at her birth to make sure she didn’t inhale any meconium to her lungs.  This actually reassured me that being induced was the right call, and that baby needed to come out!

Over the next hour and a half I was having mild contractions so I started walking, bending over the edge of the bed, kneeling over a chair and dancing with Phil while we tried to watch T.V. in between contractions to keep my mind off the discomfort.

Finally around 11:00 am I needed to get serious about making it through each contraction.  I had Phil blow up the birthing ball and for the next hour I rocked and bounced through strong contractions on the birthing ball.   Phil was a rockstar at massaging my back and shoulders through the contractions.  They were starting about every 30 seconds and lasting about 1 minute.

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Before going into labor I had chatted with Phil and my doctor regarding my "game plan" for labor.  The baby had been positioned kind of weird even after she turned head down.  She was sort of sunny side up and I was afraid that once labor started she would not get into a good birthing position (even though all my doctors kept reassuring me that as long as she was head down it would be fine and worst case scenario, I could deliver a sunny side up baby).  Still, my game plan going into labor had been to go as long as I could without the epidural because I was so afraid that once I got the epidural I wouldn't be able to actively participate in labor if she did need to be turned.

This was also part of my concern with having Pitocin.  The Pitocin makes the contractions stronger and longer because they aren't really natural usually making it more difficult to endure the pain.  Thankfully, my nurse was awesome and only increased the Pitocin as I could tolerate and even backed it down as my contractions were becoming really strong.

 

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At noon, after an hour on the birthing ball, I asked for the epidural.  My doctor was coming in anyway, so I asked her to check me first before I got the epidural, just to make sure I was progressing and the baby still seemed in good position.  I was 6 cm and 90% effaced and baby was still head down, although she was still a bit high.  I was willing to take my chances to ease the pain:)

At 1:00 pm I got the epidural. It took a little longer than I expected and the anesthesiologist hit a nerve sending a zinger down my right side about four times, but once it was in it was a perfect walking epidural.  I could feel all sorts of pressure and I could sense contractions but I felt no pain.  And I still had pretty good control over my legs, allowing me to lift them and shift as needed.

I was able to rest for an hour on my right side in the bed and at 2:30 pm I had only progressed 1 cm to 7 cm dilated and still 90% effaced so they had me shift from my right side to left side in the bed. 

Phil and I started chatting and laughing really hard about petty, silly stuff.  We were a little slap happy, but we could tell I was getting close and this really is our favorite part of labor.  He was helping me breath through each contraction as well, because although I wasn't feeling pain, I was shivering uncontrollably as my body was in transition and because of the medicines.  We were a really good team, laughing in between contractions and focusing through the tougher parts.

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Half an hour later, at 3:00 pm I started feeling "pressure" with each contraction. I called the nurse in to check me and the hilarious team director, Nurse Delka, checked me and I was fully effaced and about 9 cm dilated. She said I was getting close, but not ready yet.

 

15 minutes later I called her back in because I could feel the baby moving down.  She said I was getting close to delivery so she called the doctor to come over.

 

Less than 10 minutes later, at 3:40 pm, I was still on my left side when I had a contraction and I felt a big shift.  It literally felt like the baby almost drop out of me. I called Nurse Delka over and she told me to hold on until the doctor got in there.

At 3:45 pm, just five minutes and two contractions later, the doctor walked in, had me roll to my back and she calmly, but very urgently told the nurse to call the baby team (they were prepared to check the baby out right away because of the meconium) and prepped quickly for her delivery.

 

While the doctor and nurse were getting ready and the baby team was arriving, I had a contraction and although I was NOT pushing, the baby was literally making her appearance. 

 

The next contraction started and WITHOUT pushing, her head appeared, and the doctor pulled on her a bit to turn her shoulders and….

3:55 pm Holland Rae Van Gelder was BORN!!!

8 lbs. 9 oz.

20.5 inches

Dark Hair, pouty lips and perfect in every way!

The doctor checked her out and thankfully she was completely healthy. The meconium really had no effect on her lungs at all. Although I had really wanted to go into labor on my own, I am glad we decided to go through with the induction simply because it was evident by how white and pruned her skin was and the meconium stained fluid that she was overdue and ready to be evicted.

I am so grateful for a smooth and healthy delivery, the wonderful and caring friends, family and professionals who were a part of it and for God's hand of peace and protection over the whole process.

Now, as her daddy said earlier, "she's got a life to start livin..."

 

 

 

 

 

Holland Rae

Sweet Little Holland Rae.

Your name has so much significance and meaning to us and tells a story of where you're from.  Now we can't wait to see who YOU become and what your future holds!

Almost 2 and a half years ago, when Aven was about six months old, I was reading a celebrity gossip magazine and saw that someone had named their baby Holliday.  While that name didn't strike any cords with me, it reminded me of Holland and I mentioned it to your dad that night and he LOVED it.  The irony was that we were not even considering another baby at that time and really had no need for girl names (we assumed if we had a third child that naturally it would be a boy and we already had our boy name picked out of course).  However, we both agreed then that if we ever had a third girl she would be named Holland.

So what's the family significance behind Holland?

Holland is a region of the Netherlands and an ode to your Dutch heritage.  It is where your great great great grandfather on your dad's side was born and lived into adulthood before moving to the United States.  His name was Arend, and he had a son named Edward (your great, great grandfather), who had a son named Ray (your great grandfather, who your dad called Papa), who had your grandpa, Ray (your dad's dad and we also call him Papa) who had your dad, Phil.  You can read all about your family history in a book called "Looking For Our Wooden Shoes".

There is also sentimentality for me with the name Holland.  When I was in high school, I played on the 16 and Under U.S. National Woman's Field Hockey Team.  We traveled to Holland to play all the other national teams in the world and came in third.  To date, it is still my only trip to Europe, and I cherish the memories, experiences and maturing I did on that trip.

And what about your middle name, Rae?

Your dad is Philip Ray.  Your Papa is Raymond, and his dad was Raymond.  If we ever had a son his middle name would have been Ray.  We toyed with the idea of leaving your spelling as Ray (and it would have fit, since your sisters both have y's in their middle names), but I wanted it to be slightly more feminine, so we went with Rae.

Then the saga began of actually committing to your name.

Once we found out that we were having you, our third daughter, we began talking about your name.
Your dad naturally assumed we were still going with Holland, but I was having second thoughts.  I still loved the name, but I had two hang ups about it.  Your cousin has the middle name Hollande (which was super ironic since we had never had any conversations about that name with Aunt Lindsey and we both pulled it out of the blue), but I also had a friend who's nephew was just named Holland Ray.

So we came up with a couple of other names:

Merrick Wren
Hollen Rae

While Merrick had no meaning behind it (other than I liked it and your dad okayed it), I really liked Wren because it is a little bird and you would be our baby bird.  We tried calling you that for a week or so, but neither of us could really embrace it.

Then your dad said, what if we just do a little spin on Holland and name you Hollen.  Again, we tried it for almost a month, but I just kept coming back to the fact that it was so close to Holland, but it didn't have the significance of Holland and I just didn't love it as much as Holland.

And so it was decided.  Holland Rae would be your name.  We love the history behind it and feel like it fits perfectly with our family!  My favorite part of your name so far has been hearing your big sisters calling you Baby Holland for the past few months.  Now they finally get to look you in the face and know you by name!